Daddy Times Two

Happy Birthday, Alix!

2012-01-22T22:28:00.000-06:00

Biology 101

2012-01-22T22:05:00.003-06:00

All I could say was, “What?” She repeated, “How did you do it?” At this point, I was positive I had missed her initial question. As the school gate slammed, I stopped and regrouped. My brow line narrowed with bewilderment.

I had seen her less than six time over the course of the school year. Her son was in Brase’s class. She was always impeccably dressed in her classic suits and sexy heals. Our encounters were brief and hurried as our professional lives called.

My mind was somewhere else as we passed pleasantries. I was mentally preparing for a mid-morning meeting. I was positive I had missed a phrase with my work related distraction. All I could say was, “Excuse me? Do what?” She quickly responded in her Southern tone, “Your son… he looks like both of you. He has your hair and your husband’s face.” And without another breath it fell from her mouth, “Did you mix it?”

I deal with dumb all the time. I knew, for a fact, she had a master’s degree and held a high level executive position. Her husband was also a partner in a large law firm. She was anything but dumb!

I was taken aback by her lacking knowledge of basic biology. Did she realize a single egg can only be fertilized by a single sperm cell? The shock, from her question, kept me from laughing out loud. My first internal thought was… STUPID! My verbal response was, “I do not think that’s biologically possible.” Then with a slight grin I said, “It was fate.”

I never referenced our adoption in that conversation. I questioned my motive later and reconciled it to… keeping her in the dark. She meant nothing negative by her comment. In actuality, she was passing on a compliment. Mind you, I really like her but her biology facts are a little distorted. When our paths now cross I quietly whisper the southern mantra, “Bless her heart.”

This is not the first time family resemblance has come into question. Many people take in upon themselves and assume our son was conceived through surrogacy. For the record, we are not deaf. We keening hear fellow restaurant patron saying, “Which one does that baby belong to?” That statement is usually followed by, “He looks like that one but the hair?” One day I will have the chutzpah to lean over and say, “It a crapshoot… we don’t even know ourselves!”

I have found little need for comment or correction. The only ones that need our personal family history are those closest to us. Our adoption is not a secret but it is also not a topic of idle chit-chat with strangers. We are not the poster family for the modern adoption movement. I also do not feel compelled to educate the masses.

What I do know is… we met our destiny the day our son was born. Brase’s Filipino and European ancestry was somehow matched with my Irish red headed roots and Jose’s Spanish/Mexican lineage. I find this amazing due to the fact; we originally thought Brase would be one-half African American. The adoption process is always full of surprises.

Through our adoption journey, we realized two very important lessons. If we are patient and persistent our destiny will eventually meet us at the fork in the road. And… our destiny my not take us to our desired destination. Life is filled with amazing adventures and sometime unexpected outcomes!

Life is good...

2012-01-16T21:44:00.000-06:00

Flair of his own...

2012-01-16T21:25:00.000-06:00

Now and Then...

2012-01-16T21:21:00.000-06:00

January 2012

January 2011

The night time ritual...

2012-01-14T21:27:00.000-06:00

Dancing in the rain...

2012-01-09T22:07:00.000-06:00

Jumping for joy!

Brase's school closed a little early today due to inclement weather. We made the most out of our afternoon.

Bearing gifts...

2012-01-07T22:46:00.000-06:00

Three Kings Day

The Magi

Balthasar, Melchior, Gaspar

Vroom... Vroom... Vroom...

2012-01-02T22:18:00.001-06:00

The Little Prince

2012-01-02T22:09:00.000-06:00

Bacon and Eggs..

2012-01-02T22:00:00.000-06:00

My Little Pony...

2012-01-02T21:42:00.001-06:00

Early Reader...

2012-01-02T21:40:00.000-06:00

Birthday Loot...

2012-01-02T21:26:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T23:27:00.000-06:00

A scarf just his size...

2012-01-01T23:20:00.000-06:00

Thanks Tia Maria for my lovely

handmade birthday gift!

Friends

2012-01-01T23:17:00.000-06:00

All grown up...

2012-01-01T23:11:00.000-06:00

Birthday Bash...

2012-01-01T23:05:00.000-06:00

2 Years Old!

2011-12-31T18:04:00.000-06:00

Lunch Alfresco...

2011-12-31T17:59:00.000-06:00

Lady Bug... Fly away home!

2011-12-31T17:50:00.000-06:00

Biker Boy...

2011-12-26T14:13:00.001-06:00

Brase loves his YBIKE.

Thanks Mr. Steve and Mr. Brett!

Brase quickly learned to raise his feet when going down a hill. He likes to go fast!

A park bench pit stop.

New PJs

2011-12-25T23:57:00.000-06:00

A day with Mimi and Paw Paw

2011-12-25T23:56:00.003-06:00

The little prince...

2011-12-25T23:55:00.002-06:00

The baby...

2011-12-25T23:54:00.003-06:00

North Pole...

2011-12-25T23:53:00.007-06:00

Christmas Morning

2011-12-25T23:51:00.001-06:00

And all the children were sleeping...

2011-12-25T01:35:00.001-06:00

Christmas Eve

2011-12-25T01:30:00.000-06:00

Presents, presents and more presents!

Thanks for my new friend!

The winner for biggest present goes to Mr. Steve and Mr. Brett. Brase's hip and cool new ride!

Christmas is near...

2011-12-24T09:53:00.001-06:00

The other little angel...

2011-12-24T09:51:00.001-06:00

Alix

Chanukah

2011-12-24T09:50:00.001-06:00

Maralyn and Jacob

Olive and her sister

Alix and Brase

Visitors from across the pond.

Wynn and Peter

Christmas Past...

2011-12-22T12:27:00.004-06:00

Yes... that's me above. As you can see, from my plaid pants, it was the early 1970's. The photos below were taken a year or two before my birth... mid 1960's. My parents and sisters lived in the fictional town of Stepford, Connecticut.

My parents did not live to meet my son. I wonder what they would think about Brase and my family. The one thing I do know... they would both be delighted to have a grandson.

Las Posadas

2011-12-20T22:28:00.000-06:00

The nine day journey is underway!

Party!!!

2011-12-20T22:14:00.001-06:00

Brase's class Christmas

party was a blast!

Our Ordinary American life…

2011-12-19T17:51:00.004-06:00

The pattern we follow is rather loose but predictable on Friday nights. Dinner is usually eaten out at a neighborhood Mexican restaurant.

The place is nothing fancy but always filled with locals of diverse backgrounds. A few lawyer types talk quietly at the bar, wives and husbands chat over dinner and a group of young men and women celebrate Friday night with margaritas. And…Charee’ (aka Charlie) is having the Don Carlos Plate at table #24.

The neighborhood was exclusively Gay in 80’s and 90’s. Over the years, it’s gone through many phases of gentrification. The gay ghetto has slowly turned into a diverse well-to-do neighborhood. Yet the drag queens continue to eat right alongside the families with traditional American values. It’s a cool vibe.

I continue to identify our family as nontraditional. I guess because Brase’s Mommy does not live with us. The deeper I go into the parenting pool, the more I realize that the sole word family works best. It’s really not about the words traditional or nontraditional. The bottom line… I’m the person who gets up in the middle of night with fevers, coughs and vomiting. That is a true test of being a parent and a bond that makes a family.

As we eat dinner, everyone engages our little one. All the waiters know him by name and an adjoining table always reaches out to him. Everyone finds favor in his smile. It’s a very welcoming place in and around the restaurant.

Dinner usually takes about 2 hours on average and Brase does well in his high chair. No screaming or walking about is allowed. We are instilling the use of napkins, forks and manners. It’s sometimes challenging but 99 percent of the time we overcome the demon that occasionally emerges from our son. It is our goal not to impose bad behavior of other paying patrons.

This had been a particularly good night of manners and light conversation. We said our goodbyes to the ladies beside us, waived to Juan our waiter and cleared passage between the tight tables. I carried my son past the last table before the exit door. All I heard was, “Do you BELIEVE that!” The word believe as emphasized and drawn out for many seconds. The foursome, at the table beside the door, began to chat negatively about our family. I was amazed and Jose’ said, “What did she say?” I ignored Jose’s question and with a slight nudge guided us to the door. I said to Jose, “Not now.” I buckled Brase’s car belt and put Bobo, the stuffed money, in his arms. Jose snapped his belt and I said, “I left my phone.” Quick as lightening I was back in the restaurant’s front door. My phone securely placed in the palm of my hand the entire time.

Let me say… I know how to pick a battle. I was not backing down from this adventure. In the few seconds before exiting the restaurant, I size up the rude woman’s entire group.

I stuck my head between the big mouthed woman and her companion. I said, “If you have a problem with my family talk to me about it but DO NOT talk about us in front of my child.” I stunned her a bit because she did not see me coming. The lady responded, “I did not know you were there… I’m sorry.” I responsed, “Does it matter if we were out of earshot? What you did was wrong! My family… my child should not be a part of your dinner debate. Your comments are not welcomed!” Other words were exchanged but in the end the woman apologized again. The other patrons quickly came to my family’s defense as they picked up on our conversation. Charee’ chimed in reminding the tourist types that she may look like a lady but they did not want to mess with her. This was not a surprise as Charee’ is about 6’3” without her heels.

Usually, I would walk away but this was our turf. We were not in some country town in the middle of nowhere. We were in the middle of 4th largest city in America.

Close your eyes if you don’t want to look at my family. We do not need your support or your commentary. Let us all remind each other of this one basic principle… ”if you take away my freedom yours may soon follow. And… we will be standing hand-in-hand with the prison's walls surrounding us.”

A Visit from Mommy...

2011-12-18T00:32:00.000-06:00

Trimming the tree...

2011-12-14T22:46:00.001-06:00

The School Pageant...

2011-12-14T22:40:00.000-06:00

Brase is in the 1st and 4th photo. We are very please with his little Methodist preschool. It's a great match for him and they are meeting his needs in every way.

The little joys of life...

2011-12-14T22:23:00.000-06:00

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-14T22:05:00.000-06:00

Our little helper...

2011-12-14T00:22:00.001-06:00

Give it to me...

2011-12-14T00:19:00.000-06:00

Let me see...

2011-12-14T00:14:00.000-06:00

Discovering...

2011-12-14T00:08:00.000-06:00

Swinging in the trees...

2011-12-12T01:19:00.001-06:00

Words... Words... Words...

2011-12-12T01:05:00.003-06:00

Coffee Break...

2011-12-12T00:59:00.000-06:00

Busy Bee...

2011-12-12T00:53:00.000-06:00

Clowning around...

2011-12-10T01:06:00.000-06:00

Little Man...

2011-12-10T00:53:00.000-06:00

Every morning Brase carries his stool to my bathroom. He stands patiently while a shave and ready myself for the day. Brase thinks he is so big on his little red stool.

Then and Now...

2011-12-10T00:50:00.002-06:00

December 2010

December 2011

Christmas Cards from Granny...

2011-12-10T00:13:00.003-06:00

Finally... a dog I can ride!

2011-12-10T00:10:00.001-06:00

Austin and Brase

Granny Olive's Dog

Our chimney is closed!

2011-12-09T17:35:00.008-06:00

As we ready ourselves for the holiday festivities, we pause and tread lightly on the traditions set forth by J.W. Parkinson, R.H. Macy and James Edgar. These are the historic retail giants that helped bring Santa Clause to the forefront of American culture.

Friends and strangers alike ask, “What are you doing for the holiday? I bet Brase is excited about Santa Clause.” This makes us cringe as America's Santa is excluded from our traditions.

In our household, we celebrate the season not the singular holiday. The separate celebrations we host tell many stories but contribute to the overall big picture. We reflect with Advent candles, understand the gift of giving through Saint Nicholas, journey with Los Posadas, celebrate Christ's birth and revisit the glory of the Epiphany with Three Kings. Along this celebratory path we reflect in the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Feast of the Holy Innocents, Feast of the Holy Family and Solemnity of Mary - Mother of God. And... let us not forget the lights of Chanukah. This is a very busy time of year.

It simply amazes me that friends and strangers assume that we are neglecting Brase by excluding The America Mall Loving Santa. The holidays are full of all kinds of traditions. For instances... I love fruit cake but I am not cramming it down anybodies throat!

The reality is that our son gets more gifts than most kids. We give small tokens and toys in the spirit of Christ, Saint Nicholas, The Three Kings and Chanukah. This is part of the story telling tradition.

Our holidays are filled with an endless series of teachable moments. We believe our gift of words will assist our son and generations that follow him. The stories we read and tell will become our strongest legacy. I might add… a legacy that will long out live a video game, remote control car or cashmere sweater. We only get one chance at raising our child. One chance to teach him valuable life lessons, manners and morals.

Our chimney is closed to the fat man in the red suit! And... I believe our American life will prosper without his toys or whimsical pursuits.

Boy in Red...

2011-12-07T10:59:00.001-06:00

School Days Photo

Feast of Saint Nicholas

2011-12-06T09:00:00.013-06:00

Oranges, nuts, golden coins and toys fill his stocking.

Saint Nicholas filled Brase's stocking with a

doctor's bag, toy ambulance and the

Twelve Days of Christmas by Laurel Long.

My brown eyed boy...

2011-12-05T17:41:00.000-06:00

The moments that shape our daily life...

2011-12-04T23:27:00.000-06:00

A Nativity of his own...

2011-12-04T23:11:00.002-06:00

We are in the process of pulling Chanukah and Christmas stuff out of boxes. Brase is enjoying his holiday books, dreidel and pocket nativity. The funny thing is... he completely ignores Mary and focus solely on Joseph and baby Jesus.

A gift from Mommy...

2011-11-29T18:05:00.001-06:00

Pick Up Sticks...

2011-11-27T23:04:00.000-06:00

Hitching a ride...

2011-11-27T15:20:00.000-06:00

Animal Behaviour

2011-11-27T15:11:00.001-06:00

Lunch with a friend...

2011-11-27T15:08:00.001-06:00

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2011-11-25T22:28:00.003-06:00

A walk in the park...

2011-11-25T22:08:00.000-06:00

Our Turkey...

2011-11-24T23:40:00.000-06:00

The Pilgrim...

2011-11-24T22:41:00.005-06:00

Brase and Papi'

2011-11-24T22:35:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T22:28:00.001-06:00

Right of Passage...

2011-11-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

We are working towards a cleaner and greener world without diapers.

Over the course of this week, Brase has sat on his potty before bath time. Last night he passed a major milestone. Brase pulled off his diaper, sat on the potty and urinated all by himself. This was followed by cheers of joy! An impromptu parade then ensued to the big toilet for a pouring and flushing ceremony.

This is the beginning of a long process. All I can say is... slow and steady wins this race.

Dear Mara Rigge (Mara aka Mommy),

2011-11-22T10:56:00.002-06:00

Thank you for following Daddy Times Two and taking the time to comment on my recent post, National Adoption Day . I greatly appreciate you sharing your point of view. I encourage you to comment more often as I would like to gain more insight into your personal perspective on adoption. In addition, I want to know how you fit into the adoption triad. Are you a adoptee, adoptive parent, birthmother or any combination of the above?

As for me, the adoptive process has encompassed and shaped my entire life. It has made me who I am today. Adoption saved my son and me from unstable surroundings and endless poverty. I thank my parents for loving me, my son's birthmother/my birthmother for relinquishing us and God for his divine intervention. In addition, I thank the courts and legal system for protecting my son and me from a disruption during or after our adoptive proceedings.

The following list details my interactions with the adoptive process over the course of my life:

I was adopted at birth through a closed adoption
I was reunited with my birth parents
I have buried my Father, Mother and Birthmother
I have assisted in reuniting many adoptees and birthmothers
My partner and I personally experienced the loss of a child through our adoption journey
We held our adopted son minutes after he was born
Our family maintains an open adoption agreement with with our son's Birthmother and maternal biological family
Our family continues to have direct contact with my son's Birthmother

I have come to realize, through the years, that a birth certificate or name does not define me. It is life's experiences and the people that surround me that shape my world. I did not ask to be thrown into the world of adoption. It was my fate! I am grateful for every place adoption has lead me.

The most important thing I have learned from my experience is to mindful of Pandora's box. Original birth certificates and reunions do not bring personal peace. In actuality, these two things can greatly complicate lives and bring waves of grief.

I wish you well on your personal adoption journey... regardless of the role you have been cast. I respect you opinion but be mindful that your journey belongs solely to you. Remember to tread lightly on the path of others. It is not your place to tell their story or steal their joy.

Best regards,
Brandon

FYI... viewers/followers can read Mara Rigge's original comment in the highlighted portion below.

"Every time a child is adopted, his/her original birth certificate (the child's truthful documentation of birth) is permanently sealed. He/she is issued a falsified birth certificate called an "amended birth certificate" that lists the adoptive parents as the child's biological parents. This falsifying of an innocent, voiceless child's birth record is discrimination and should be illegal. Do the children know they will NEVER be allowed to possess their truthful birth certificates? Average Joe's serve hard time in federal prison for falsifying identity documents, yet it is done legally all over this country in vital records' offices with the permission of judges and barbaric, antiquated state laws. The United States Constitution is violated every single time a person's birth certificate is sealed and falsified."

National Adoption Day

2011-11-19T05:00:00.006-06:00

May we rally is the events that transpire today. May we cheer and shed tears of joy for the families that are united forever. May we remember our children's birthparents and be forever thankful for the precious gifts they have bestowed on us.

It's the little things...

2011-11-09T12:45:00.000-06:00

Christmas has come a little early at our home.

Brase can finally blow his nose!!!

Keeping the beat...

2011-11-06T23:22:00.004-06:00

Time has escaped between all the numbers in the last 24 months. The days have become a blurr juggling work, home and breathlessly running after Brase. I have no time for myself but would not take anything for this time with my son.

I must report that my favorite moment, in recent weeks, took place during our post dinner dance a-thon. Adele was streaming through the air as we jumped and swung our bodies around the room. It was a tender moment when I scooped my little boy up and he laid his head upon my shoulder. Brase then motioned to the kitchen where his Papi' stood. Brase insisted that Jose' join us as we slowly danced. Jose joined in and our wee one laid his small hands upon our faces. We smiled and Brase giggled as our bodies swayed to the beat. This is an amazing time... a time that will only come once.

Animal Parade...

2011-11-06T21:55:00.000-06:00

Where has my baby gone?

2011-11-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

Poser...

2011-11-03T23:12:00.000-05:00

Clark Kent...

2011-11-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

The deep sleep...

2011-11-03T23:03:00.000-05:00

I'm an actor!

2011-11-03T22:49:00.000-05:00

A bear of a day...

2011-11-03T22:37:00.001-05:00

Mail Call!

2011-11-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

Trick or Treat!

2011-11-03T22:30:00.000-05:00

The Great Pumpkin!

2011-11-03T22:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Brase dressed himself!

2011-10-09T22:37:00.000-05:00

Where in the world did he get Cheetos?

2011-10-09T16:17:00.000-05:00

Pumpkin Patch...

2011-10-09T16:13:00.002-05:00

Duck, Duck... where's the Goose?

2011-10-09T16:11:00.000-05:00

Kisses...

2011-10-09T16:08:00.000-05:00

Pre-Halloween Fun...

2011-10-09T16:04:00.001-05:00

Show me the love...

2011-10-09T15:59:00.002-05:00

Let me drive the bus!

2011-10-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

A day at... The Menil Collection

2011-10-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

Grandparent's Day

2011-09-13T12:42:00.004-05:00

Granny Olive and Brase

My Grandmother Polly had an enormous apricot tree in her garden. The branches reached far beyond twenty four feet in circumference. It reached so high that the fruit at the top kept the bird’s bellies full all summer. I still remember sitting under that mammoth tree on hot summer days gobbling apricots. It was an amazing sight as you sat watching the leaves flickering in the breeze. In addition, you had to be tiny to maneuver between the branches that anchored the ancient prunus armeniaca. It was a sanctuary for me and my Grandmother’s other thirteen grandchildren.

I have not laid my eyes on that amazing old tree in almost thirty years. I truly doubt it still exists as it was older than Methuselah. The life I also remember, inside the cocoon of branches, has long vanished. My family has been spread apart by death, distance, differences and our evolving lives.

Jose' and I have few leaves remaining on our family trees. Most of the branches are inscribed with the word... died. This is why we are so very grateful to the collective group of friends that act as family. It is through their efforts that Brase gets to experience the joys of Grandparent's Day. Our friends love him unconditionally. I am thankful to all of our friends that act as grandparents and participate in Brase's life.

The words of the ancient great tragedian Euripides speaks volumes, “One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”

Hoot... Hoot!

2011-09-11T20:53:00.000-05:00