Friday, September 11, 2009
I am on a never ending roller coaster ride. My stomach turns and twists, my adrenalin skyrockets while ten different emotions overwhelm me at the same time. I am not a fan of roller coasters! Some days I would like to stop, get off and never look back. I would like to stop but I can’t.
I feel this great passion and need to continue on with our adoption plan. Tears have been shed and frustrations have been expressed throughout the process. I pray these feeling subside but without them I would not continue. The reality is… without these emotions I would stop and turn my back on the entire adoption process. My emotions keep this passion burning in me and make me realize that I need to continue regardless of how much it hurts. No words of wisdom will make me feel better and no prayers will bring me peace. The only way I will find serenity is to complete the adoption.
I long for the life I had before adoption applications, home studies and birthmothers. A life that was fun, spontaneous and full of joy. To my astonishment that past life does not exist anymore. Even if I could go back, that life would be impossible to find. My destiny lays head of me with tears, emotions and the hope of adopting a child.
Our profile was shown twice and rejected twice last week. Jose and I will continue to push ahead until we find our match. We must find our match! That is the only way the tears, fears and emotions will vanish.
In the works of George Mathew Adams, “In this life we get only those things for which we hunt, for which we strive and for which we are willing to sacrifice.”