Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Resetting our clock!

We are giving ourselves a new outlook with a revised calendar. Reflecting back, it took 7 months for our first unsuccessful match to occur. At this point, we are resetting our clock/calendar and starting over. This time around, the clock started officially ticking in August. That’s when everything got back on track and our adoption agency began showing our profile again. If you are counting… that puts us a little shy of waiting 3 months.

We have great faith in our adoption agency and all the staff working on our behalf. We spoke with our agency last week. They have 13 unmatched birthmothers living in agency housing. Hopefully, we will have a successful match soon.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Life Lesson

Tina Berry’s voice resonates from the television, "Look at this little Hispanic beauty… she's gorgeous with her olive skin and big amber eyes! If you're joining us for the first time it's our Baby Hour.” Tina quietly whispers, cuddles the baby girl and states, “You could name her Josephina or whatever your heart desires.” Barbara Marville’s voice interjects from beyond the camera, “Next up we have Caucasian boys with blonde hair and blue eyes.” The crescendo of Barbara's voice increases as she says, “This is the perfect addition for the all American family! Remember they're drug free newborns… quantities are limited.”

Looking back… I could have been watching a surreal scene from the Home Shopping Network. In hindsight, it was more like ordering a child or sofa online from Pottery Barn. Check all boxes that apply: African American, down stuffed, Biracial, foam wrapped, Native American, tufted back, drug free, French mahogany finish, male, female, and the list goes on. Looking back, I am amazed by the process and our thought process.

In the beginning… we thought intently about our life, surrounding community, friends and family. Thoughtfully considering, how we could support our future child’s mind, body and spirit. Books were read, doctors were consulted, demographics reviewed. In the end … data gathered swayed us to select a narrow group of children that would meet our family’s needs.

Life experiences are the true catalyst of change. They make you look at yourself and everyone around you in a different way. These experiences make it possible to see the world clearer and from a higher place you have never been before.

During our first match/failed placement it was realized that our child’s ethnicity could not be clearly defined until birth. It was also known that no prenatal care had been provided until the 8th month of pregnancy. As we became more acquainted with our birthmother; it was evident that her social and medical history was incomplete and inaccurate. We slowly learned that we would never know the facts from the past or the mental and health liabilities that lie ahead. Revelations unfolded and we accepted all possibilities and complications. Each time taking a huge step and letting faith guide us on our path.

Then she was born! She could have been green with purple stripes. It did not matter as she was ours. She could have had a cleft lip or club feet. We would not have cared because she was ours. We counted ten little finger and ten tiny toes. We had never looked at something so beautiful or with such pride. She was perfect and she was ours.

We all know how this story ended, but she was ours for a short while. She taught us a great deal during our brief time together. We learned how to love unconditionally and love without limits. When we gazed into her eyes all our fears disappeared. Our love for her transcended all concerns. We focused only on the present and knew we could handle whatever the future presented. She was ours and will always remain as our child in our hearts.

Our loss and failed placement taught us many things. We now know picking and choosing is a burdensome task. We understand that this is not our role. Our capacity to parent is not built around matching criteria but our ability to unconditionally love. At this point, all our boxes are checked and our only desire is to parent. We will be happy and content to receive whatever child God provides. What a great life lesson we have learned. Through the eyes of a child our world was forever changed.

Friday, October 9, 2009

The pages continue to turn...

October is a milestone month for us as we celebrate one year of waiting. It’s kind of a melancholy anniversary of sorts. We have officially spent the last 365 days on the sidelines watching the days unfold at a snail's pace. We feel like children waiting for Santa in July. This is the longest never ending wait!

A lot has happened but we have nothing to show for all our efforts. In spite of our two failed matches; we continue to go forward. We are sad for all that has occurred, but grateful for the life lessons we have learned along the way.

This journey has forced us to look at ourselves and our world in a completely new way. It has been a hard process but very worthwhile. We would never have come to our current realizations without our failures and lessons in grief.

Our adoption agency continues to work on our behalf. They continue to show our profile and search for a match. The agency is doing everything within their power to help us achieve our family goals.

Currently, 12 unmatched birthmothers are working with our adoption agency. We hope that one of these women will choose to work with us in the coming months.

Our child will come to us in time. It is hard to acknowledge, but we are not in control of the situation or outcome. We must continue to have faith in the process and faith in a divine plan.

It takes a great passion and much resilience to proceed on this path. We remind ourselves of Chuck Sigars words, “Calendars are for careful people, not for passionate ones.” Our passion is what keeps us going and time limits can not be imposed.