A Visit from Mommy...

 

Dear Mara Rigge (Mara aka Mommy),

Thank you for following Daddy Times Two and taking the time to comment on  my recent post, National Adoption Day .  I greatly appreciate you sharing your point of view.  I encourage you to comment more often as I would like to gain more insight into your personal perspective on adoption.  In addition, I want to know how you fit into the adoption triad.  Are you a adoptee, adoptive parent, birthmother or any combination of the above? 

As for me, the adoptive process has encompassed and shaped my entire life. It has made me who I am today. Adoption saved my son and me from unstable surroundings and endless poverty. I thank my parents for loving me, my son's birthmother/my birthmother for relinquishing us and God for his divine intervention. In addition, I thank the courts and legal system for protecting my son and me from a disruption during or after our adoptive proceedings.

The following list details my interactions with the adoptive process over the course of my life:

• I was adopted at birth through a closed adoption
• I was reunited with my birth parents
• I have buried my Father, Mother and Birthmother 
• I have assisted in reuniting many adoptees and birthmothers
• My partner and I personally experienced the loss of a child through our adoption journey
• We held our adopted son minutes after he was born
• Our family maintains an open adoption agreement with with our son's Birthmother and maternal biological family
• Our family continues to have direct contact with my son's Birthmother

I have come to realize, through the years, that a birth certificate or name does not define me.  It is life's experiences and the people that surround me that shape my world.  I did not ask to be thrown into the world of adoption. It was my fate! I am grateful for every place adoption has lead me.

The most important thing I have learned from my experience is to mindful of Pandora's box.  Original birth certificates and reunions do not bring personal peace.  In actuality, these two things can greatly complicate lives and bring waves of grief.

I wish you well on your personal adoption journey... regardless of the role you have been cast.  I respect you opinion but be mindful that your journey belongs solely to you.  Remember to tread lightly on the path of others.  It is not your place to tell their story or steal their joy. 

Best regards,
Brandon

FYI... viewers/followers can read Mara Rigge's original comment in the highlighted portion below.

"Every time a child is adopted, his/her original birth certificate (the child's truthful documentation of birth) is permanently sealed. He/she is issued a falsified birth certificate called an "amended birth certificate" that lists the adoptive parents as the child's biological parents. This falsifying of an innocent, voiceless child's birth record is discrimination and should be illegal. Do the children know they will NEVER be allowed to possess their truthful birth certificates? Average Joe's serve hard time in federal prison for falsifying identity documents, yet it is done legally all over this country in vital records' offices with the permission of judges and barbaric, antiquated state laws. The United States Constitution is violated every single time a person's birth certificate is sealed and falsified."

National Adoption Day

May we rally is the events that transpire today.  May we cheer and shed tears of joy for the families that are united forever. May we remember our children's birthparents and be forever thankful for the precious gifts they have bestowed on us.

Today is her birthday

I ponder her fate.

Wishing flickering candles lit her face.

I wonder if she’s safe.

Hoping joyful songs fill her space.

I pray for her sake.

Remembering her makes me ache.

Where has this little girl gone?

She was known to us as...
Catalina Theresa

Adoption and fostering to adopt each have great pitfalls. They come with no guarantees or promises. You step into each process with a giant leap of faith. You give up time, energy, funds and ultimately control in your quest to become a parent.

Our family’s story ended in happiness. It was a long hard path but a path filled with life lessons. Our story overflowed with joy and grief simultaneously. It was the most enlightening journey we have ever taken.

Looking back, we do not know how we endured all that came our way. In the aftermath of our first loss, we remained in fog for many months. Our life was frozen in time and insurmountable grief. We shuttered our life and became reclusive. Friends wandered away unable to understand our circumstances. It was the greatest loss we have ever experience. It was the loss of our child.

I write this for all those who have experienced this particular type of grief. It’s a loss that is hard for friends and family to wrap their arms around. This is a loss that adoption and foster care agencies look at with a blind eye. It leaves the grief stricken without a place to turn.

We had a daughter for a brief moment. We prayed for her before she was born and continue to hope God’s Grace shines upon her.

The road behind us is our other blog. We used it as a dumping ground for our adoption failures. We open the pages to give perspective to those experiencing the trauma of adoption disruption. The road was rough but we would not have our son if we did not make the entire journey.
http://theroadbehindus.blogspot.com/

In the hospital minutes after Catalina was born.

June 8, 2009 at 7:19 p.m.

Thank my lucky stars..

My life was forever altered by adoption. I am grateful to my birthmother for the life she gave me. I am thankful to my adoptive parents for the lessons they taught me. I am indebted to my son's Mother for the child she bestowed upon me. Today is my birthday and I praise the power of adoption. It has molded and guided my entire life.

Brandon's Adoptive Parents

1968

Brandon Birthmother

1996

Brase's Family

2009

Birth Family Visit

Brase, Daddy, Mommy and Papi'

 Brase and Mommy

 Brase and Jada 
(Brases's first cousin)

Jada and Aunt Tiffany

An outfit from Mommy...

Family Day

August 6, 2010

We appeared at the Bexar County Court  House to finalized our second parent adoption.

Adoption Day...

This adoption adventure was not included in our master plan.  Dirty diapers, pureed beets and a crying kid were not on our radar.  Mind you, we had thought about adoption but not seriously.  At 40 and 43 something clicked and it became the right time.  Old dreams were abandoned and priorities quickly shifted following the words, "let's adopt."  A very different and new way of life emerged overnight.  I can honestly say, we are not the same people we were two years ago.  

I call to mind the words of E.M Forster,  "We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  These are powerful words because you never know what awaits around a hidden corner.