Birth Mothers

Yesterday we attended a fashion show and vendor fair sponsored by our adoption agency. Event proceeds will assist the Birth Parent Educational Fund. This special fund has granted over $50,000 in educational scholarships to Birth Parents that have placed a child through Family to Family Adoptions. Kudos to Jennifer O’Leary, LBSW for putting on a wonderful event!

Let me remind you that I (Brandon) was adopted at birth and as an adult found my Birth Mother. Because of this, supportive services for Birth Mothers are very important to me. With that being said... I have written some of my thoughts below regarding this matter.

Over the years I (Brandon) have worked with many Birth Mothers. I assisted other adult adoptees with searches after my reunion. During this time, I got to know many Birth Mothers and I found their stories to be fascinating.

Open adoptions were unheard of when I was adopted. I was brought up in an era of sealed records and minimal post adoptive services. In those years, Birth Mothers were told to forget about their babies and move forward with new lives. I found this to be tragic because a Birth Mother never stops caring about her child. The Birth Mothers I worked with always asked the same haunting questions, "Is my child alive and was my child loved."

Adoption has come a long way regarding the treatment of Birth Mothers. Still adoption agencies are not all created equal when it comes to this matter. It was important for us to find an adoption agency that could assist with our parenting goals and meet the needs of our potential Birth Mother. We wanted to find an agency that was concerned about our Birth Mother's long term emotional well being.

We feel fortunate to have found an agency that prides itself on caring for Birth Mothers. During pregnancy housing is provided for birth families, transportation is arranged, monetary assistance is given, educational opportunities are offered and licensed counseling is available. Post adoptive services include agency supported scholarships and lifelong emotional support.

My past experiences have given me an unusual perception in regards to my future child's adoption. I have witnessed the loss Birth Mothers experience and personally faced the complexity of being adopted. This is why I am committed to having an adopted family that includes our child's Birth Mother.

Jose and I clearly understand the task that has been given to us as we grow our family through adoption. We know we are not just randomly having a child enter our life but are participating with a Birth Family as a child develops and matures. A Birth Parent is an essential part of a child's life and an important part of our life together as an adoptive family. We look forward to including our child's Birth Parents in our expanding family.

Our thoughts on Open Adoption...

Dear Birth Parents,

We welcome you into our life. We look forward to including you as we walk beside our child with life's mysteries unfolding and dreams coming true. Please understand, the words "our child" includes you. Our child will always be apart of you and you will forever be apart of our family.

The words above have been extracted from a book we are creating for our potential birth parents. It is our hope to have birth parents that are willing to be openly engaged in our child’s future.

We believe that birth parents can play a vital role in the life of an adopted child. This can be a healthy relationship that allows a child to explore his or her biological and culture history. Birth parents can also give a child unconditional love and support. We believe in the theory that it takes a village to raise a child. In our view, birth parents are part of the village. The goal of adoption is to provide a child with a loving home and resources for future success. Birth parents are an additional resource that should be relied upon.

Birth parents are chief health information officers. Their updated biological health information can provide great in site into developmental issues and illnesses throughout life. In some cases, birth parents are the only resource for life saving therapies requiring donors.

Every adoption is different and each can have many facets. All parties must be responsible and willing to honor original agreements and adoption plans. Most importantly, insecurities and fear should be set aside for the benefit of the child. When a adoptive child has unanswerable questions about their heritage and beginning original agreements are of little consequence.

The world of adoption is very different from that of many years ago. It is different from the adoptive world I (Brandon) grew up in. More choices are available to all parties involved in the process. Jose' and I are proud to be participating in the growing change that is Open Adoption.

Getting to Know us... Profile Excerpts - Professional Life

Dear reader,

The next excerpt touches upon our professional lives. We have decided not to publish our complete profile via the Internet. Here are a few facts we are willing to share about this part of our life. Jose' is a tenured teacher with broad academic certifications that include elementary and bilingual education. I (Brandon) work in a University setting and manage programs, activities and volunteer endeavors. Below is another excerpts from our profile that is shared with potential birth mothers.

Professional Life

Education and community service are the cornerstones of our life. We both have careers that involve public service within academic systems. Our careers also afford us a lifestyle that gives us personal stability and work life balance. We receive great satisfaction from our professional endeavors. We feel our professional experience in areas of education and volunteerism will greatly assist in rearing a child.

It is our hope that we can provide a child with a strong educational foundation and understanding of volunteerism. We want to teach a child that it only takes one individual to change a society. We want to create an environment that will foster a freethinker. It is our mission to give a child the necessary resources that will enhance mental growth and make a successful productive adult.

We feel our professional backgrounds and life experiences will positively affect a child. We will be able to live by example and show a child that success can be achieved through hard work, educational resources and a commitment to community.

Catching up on work


Hopping along at work

Getting to Know us... Profile Excerpts - Jose's thoughts about adoption

Jose and Jose's Father

Dear Reader,

This excerpt came from our profile that is shared with potential Birth Mothers. My Story is below.

Jose's thoughts...

I was not adopted but I can relate to the circumstances. I was 6 when my world changed forever with the death of my biological Mother. At that point aunts, sisters, and housekeepers assisted with my care. Five years later my father remarried. Through this experience I learned that a parent does not have to be related by blood to love or give a child guidance.

This is the reason adoption is right for me. I benefited from the love and care I was given by many individuals. I would like to raise a child as part of my family and give him or her all I was given. Family is a state of mind that grows from the love you have in your heart.

Getting to Know us... Profile Excerpts - More thoughts about adoption

Oh, I found my Birth Father too!

Brandon

Marion (Brandon's Paternal Biological Grandmother)

Phillip (Brandon's Birth Father)

Getting to know us... Profile Excerpts - Brandon's thoughts about adoption

Brandon and Cassandra (Brandon's Birth Mother)

Dear Readers,

This excerpt was taken directly from our profile that is shared with potential Birth Mothers. I hope you enjoy my story.

Brandon's thoughts...

I am a direct product of Adoption. At birth I was relinquished and adopted by a loving family. As a child I never questioned my existence or felt different from my adopted parents or siblings. My adopted family supported and cared for me. I was a child who was loved and doted upon by everyone.

It was not until I was around the age of 27 that I decided to search for my Birth Mother. The process was a long journey that tapped into many untouched feelings. It also opened my eyes to the emotions a Birth Mother faces and the complicated lifelong decision she makes when placing her child for adoption.

I am fortunate to have known my Birth Mother. Unfortunately, she died in 2001. She lived with Jose and me during the last year of her life as she battled cancer. It was a tragic ending but an experience that was life changing.

My reunion led me to help other adopted adults. In total I assisted with twelve successful searches. They were all joyful but different in many ways. The one common thread among the Birth Mothers I found was their longing to know if their child had been well cared for and loved.

The process of finding my Birth Mother brought me many joys. I learned about her past and mine. I also learned that a part of my Birth Mother lives within me. She was my creator and gave me the things that nurturing alone can not provide. The reunion process also provided me with the knowledge that I could not have become the person I am today without the love and mentoring my adoptive parents provided.

Being adopted gives me an unusual perspective as I proceed through the process of being matched with a Birth Mother and her child. I know that a Birth Mother is an integral part of the adoption process and will remain part of the process for our child's entire life.

Getting to know us... Profile Excerts - Travel

Everybody has the family photos where you are surrounded by famous landmarks near and far. The only problem with our photos are... we are the only two people in them. We have racked up many frequent flyer miles along the way and hope to someday use the points on future vacations with our little one. Look below at another brief Profiles Excerpt that is shared with potential birth mothers. Happy reading.

TRAVEL

A large part of our life together has involved travel. We have been privileged to see many countries and cultures on our vacations together. We would love to give a child the lasting life experience of seeing the world and all the possibilities that surround it. We hope to achieve this with our newly created family.

Getting to Know us... Profile Excerpts - Religion

The last two days have been full of family, friends and food. What else would you expect at Christmas! The high light of our day was attending Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Pine swags and advent wreaths were placed on the sanctuary and throughout the church. The smell of fresh pine was wonderful mixed with incense. The two hour and twenty minute concert and Mass contained a complete orchestra, organist, hand bell choir and parish choir. The entire event was magnificent! The processional presented Joseph, Mary and the Christ Child at the alter. It was very magical for us in many ways and made us contemplate about when we would be given the opportunity to become parents.

When we began our adoption journey we searched our own beliefs long and hard. We thought about how the church would view and support our non-traditional family. We explored our past experiences and biases. We did our research and met with a priest. We ultimately came to one conclusion... IT'S NOT ABOUT US! It's about a child or should I say... our potential child. We got over our issues and I (Brandon) converted to Catholicism. One might think converting was easy but with the Catholic Church rituals are ever present. We must also give great thanks to our parish priest. The adoption journey would be much more difficult without his guidance and support.

As for life... it has already changed. We no longer sleep in and leisurely read our Sunday papers and journals. Those days have already passed us by. We take great pride in attending Sunday Family Mass as we prepare to expand our own family.

This was just one "more" thing we had to complete before proceeding with our adoption. What a journey this has already been and we can't wait for the rest to start. With all this being said, we thought it would be appropriate to share another Profile Excerpt. A note for first time readers, our Profile Excerpts make up a book that potential birth mothers review when choosing a family for their baby.

For those readers who pray, please keep us in your prayers. For those still waiting for a child, we will keep you in our prays to Saint Gerard (Patron Saint of Unborn Children).

Religion

We are Romans Catholics and take an active role within our parish. It is our strong belief that a child should be part of a community outside their own immediate family. A child needs to have a belief system based on values and morals for guidance. Religion gives a child a sense of belonging and history.

Our nieces and nephews have been baptized and will hopefully choose to be confirmed in the Catholic faith. We would like to give our child commonalities with family members and the community around them.

We are currently working within our parish to ready ourselves for the joys of parenthood. We have begun conversations with our parish priest and will attend Baptismal classes.

Living in today's world is complicated . We want to give a child every opportunity to succeed in life. We also feel it is necessary to expose a child to other religions, when appropriate. This will give the child a better understanding and appreciation for the differences that exist around them. We hope to instill a true sense of respect for all beliefs systems.

Getting to know us... Profile Excerpts - Birth Mother Letter

What's a profile? It's a book full of information about our family, our home, our faith, our commitment, our values and our intentions as potential adoptive parents. A profile is a calling card of sorts. It's a book or website that adoption agencies use to introduce birth parents to potential adoptive parents. Profiles assist birth parents in choosing the right home and family for their child. All profiles are different and the information inside reflects the adoptive families entire outlook on life. An essential pieces of a profile is a letter to potential birth mothers. This letter is usually agonized over and rewritten multiple times in hopes of connecting with a birth mother. When you check in at Daddy Times Two you will occasionally see excerpts from our personal profile. Look for these tidbits under Getting to know us... Profile Excerpts. Keep in mind the profiles are important but many people would agree fate plays a big hand in matching birth parents and children with adoptive parents.

Since I have a captive audience, I want to share our personal birth mother letter. Actually, our profile contains two letters. The first being a letter of introduction and the second letter contains our intentions and thanks. Tonight I am sharing the latter. Before I close, let me thank you for reading and coming along for the ride. Look below to get a peak at our letter.

Dear Birth Mother,

Thank you for viewing this small snapshot of our life. During our seventeen years together we have forged longstanding relationships with friends, family and our community. We have exhibited social and financial responsibility. Most importantly we have cared and loved for each other through life's ups and downs.

We may not be a traditional nuclear family but we have many gifts to offer a child. We have time to give and love to share. We can walk beside a child and encourage as life's joys unfold. We can comfort and support a child through the hardships that are dealt.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs anyone can undertake. Sleepless nights and endless worry are all part of the position. In spite of these struggles it can be one of the most rewarding life experience. We very much want to partake in the joys and heartaches parenthood has to offer. We encourage you to consider us as potential adoptive parents and hope you will give us the opportunity to share our life and unconditional love with your child.

Sincerely,

Brandon and Jose'